The Big Surprise

With the accelerating pace of political and economic disaster lately, it's hard to find anything to lighten things up. So that can only mean it's time for Iowahawk:

CHICAGO - Chicago White Sox front office spokesman Scott Reifert announced today that fans attending a July 11 twin bill versus the Minnesota Twins at US Cellular Field will receive a free commemorative mini-bat, unlimited ten cent Budweiser, and up to $800 Billion in federal bailout money. Billed as "Recession Demolition Night," Reifert said the giveaway promises to be the "biggest fan attraction since 1979."

The unique cross-promotion was the brainchild of White Sox GM Ken Williams and the Obama Administration, and Reifert said it took nearly 45 minutes of careful planning to work out the details.

"The Administration had $800 billion in unspent stimulus money, and we had a load of unsold tickets," explained Reifert. "I guess you could say it was a real win-win situation."

The Oval Office has come under some fire in the last week over revelations that only as small portion of the $867 Billion allocated to ARRA stimulus programs in February has thus far been spent. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said that the joint promotion with the White Sox "shows the President is serious about ramping up the sweet, sweet cash giveaways that will get America back on its feet."

And how would you expect it to end but:

Reifert encouraged fans to order tickets soon, as demand is expected to be brisk. He remained coy, however, about whether the cash drop would take place during game one of the doubleheader, or the special nightcap open only to Mayor Daley, visiting Washington dignitaries, and Obama campaign donors.

"We're leaving that a big surprise," he said.

Go RTWT of course.